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Several years ago, when I was still reeling from my first broken heart, I decided I should just date everyone possible and resolved not to fall in anymore. For obvious reasons, I ended up dating a few boys with girlfriends in other cities/states. I fell in with one but was in denial about it for a time. Eventually I decided to tell him how I felt because he kept insisting that, deep down, he was an honourable one-woman-guy. He didn't want to commit to me, though, and he led me on (on-and-off frequently) for about two years. We both had other relationships at times. He lied and let me down constantly. It got to the point where my friends absolutely hated him because they could what was happening, but I was convinced that if I just loved him enough he would come around and be the strong, amazing I believed he could be. Eventually (finally) I wised up and took a complete, indefinite hiatus from dating at all. I stopped agreeing to him when he was in town and stopped ing him at all. A little less than a year into my hiatus, when I felt comfortable in my skin again and confident with my direction in life, the of my dreams asked me out and now we are engaged and living in the house we bought together. I him completely, without condition, and we are both so happy together. I never believed in soulmates before, but now I just might. :) I never think of the Ex when we're together, but the Ex is frequently in my thoughts when I'm alone. I still think about all the what-ifs, going over things that I should have put behind me, looking for mistakes I might have made. My heart was broken so times by him that I don't know if it ever heal completely. It doesn't impact my for my fiance at all, just the way I feel about myself sometimes when I'm alone. Sometimes I get the urge to the Ex, or sign onto AIM to what he's up to. But I haven't ever acted on it. He has no idea I still think about him every day, wondering why he never really loved me, when I was prepared at one point to give him my all. I guess this whole rant isn't a question, just something I've been needing to get off my chest. I think I be sweeping up the pieces of whatever it was he damaged for years to come. Tweet
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